The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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