Do you still have your period?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
