I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
