This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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