I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
