Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
