Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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