'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
