Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
be right there i have to get my cape
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
