I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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