i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
