he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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