im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
