the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
