is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
