haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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