Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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