I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was born a porn star she said
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
