When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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