remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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