Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
