but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
