Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
