It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i out mim tonsoeep
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize