Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
