Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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