You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize