a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
