would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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