im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
