And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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