all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
