i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize