what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
