yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
