i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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