So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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