Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found a bag of teeth...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
