I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize