just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
