Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's the barista slut.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize