One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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