when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Slut skills are useful in every country.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
