I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
