Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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