maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
