Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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