tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
