Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
