Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
