If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
