I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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