Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
