i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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