fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
